told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
