I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
