I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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