Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
