we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
