judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
