Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
