I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
