I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
