So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
