My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
