i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
