i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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