it hurts more in the daytime
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
