Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
