Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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