It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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