i just google imaged poop.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
