youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
