those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
