dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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