Will you blow on my dice?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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