OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
