So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
