You can't special order awesome
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
