Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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