She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
