The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
