I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
