dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
