Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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