in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
id be glad to
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
