i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
