In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
