It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
