so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
