Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
