pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
