Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
