What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
