and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
