Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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