Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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