he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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