hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
