My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
