when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
