dude i'm inner monologue high
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
