@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
