I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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