Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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