he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
